Last night was a special night. I had the privilege to lead my oldest son of 6, Cooper, in a prayer of belief in God’s grace for his salvation. I thank God for the awesome opportunity.
Over the past few months, I have been reading The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones at bedtime for our three oldest children. This week as we were reading through the last week of Jesus’ earthly life, there seemed to be a turning point for Cooper. His countenance changed. Christ’s death and resurrection was becoming real to him. The kicker, though, seemed to be the story of Paul after his conversion and his sharing of the Gospel with others. The Jesus Storybook Bible says it this way:
“It’s not about keeping rules!” Paul told people. “You don’t have to be good at being good for God to love you. You just have to believe what Jesus has done and follow Him. Because it’s not about trying, it’s about trusting. It’s not about rules, it’s about grace: God’s free gift – that cost him everything.”
That’s when it clicked for Cooper. After reading through the children’s Bible the last few months, especially Jesus’ death and resurrection and Paul’s sharing of the Gospel, Cooper initiated the conversation about believing in Jesus. We then spent the next few nights going over Bible verses like Romans 3:23, Romans 6:23, Romans 10:9-10, 13 and John 14:6.
Here are the things I learned through the process. Some informed by other people, some on my own. In essence, these flow into each other. I hope you find these helpful:
1) Many Christian parents are worried that unless they give their child ultimate independence in their faith, that they are coercing or indoctrinating their children by sharing their faith with them. The caveat though is that if you are a Christ-following parent, it is your Biblical responsibility to train them up in the way that they should go. We have tried to do that be modeling a life lived for God. And through this, we wanted our children to naturally, not coercively, believe in Jesus. There was no pressure, just a consistent example of prayer, Bible reading, church attendance, worship, etc. I think it is perfectly normal for children of Christian parents naturally come to know Christ. Maybe even very young. Not all, but most. But to not engage in any conversation with your children about believing in Jesus once they have expressed interest is falling short of what God expects of us.
2) With that being said, I do think there should be serious discernment about when to start responding to your child’s interest in spiritual things. Take your time. Don’t rush it. John MacArthur says, “Remember that repetition and restatement are especially helpful. Give the gospel simply and briefly, but don’t assume the first positive response means they got all the truth they need to know. Continue explaining and expanding your explanations.” [1] But for the sake of spiritual independence, don’t prolong the process if your child shows what you discern as serious interest.
3) One of the things that trip parents up is the idea that salvation is about understanding intellectually every jot and tittle. MacArthur continues:
Very few people intellectually understand all the gospel truth at the moment of salvation. Fortunately, the essential truths are basic enough that even a child can understand. Jesus Himself characterized saving faith as childlikeness (Mark 10:15). True belief is not a function of advanced intellect, sophisticated theological understanding, or complex doctrinal knowledge. Children old enough to be saved can grasp the concept of coming to Christ with an obedient heart, and letting Him be the Lord of their lives. [2]
The key is remembering what is essential in this. Not intellectual understanding. Not the order of soteriology. A simple, innocent, childlike belief.
4) So what about the ‘when.’ There will be a time when your child actually says, “How do I believe in Jesus?” Here are some things to remember:
Use of Scripture
MacArthur: “Use Scripture and explain it clearly. Even with children, God’s Word is the seed that produces life (1 Peter 1:23). Don’t use approaches that give gospel outlines with no Scripture. Only the Bible can speak with authority to the human heart—including a child’s heart.” [3]
Going back to the idea of taking your time with your child, as I mentioned before, it was helpful to repeat the Romans and John scriptures each night for about a week so I knew that Cooper understood the basics.
Understanding the Wrath of God
MacArthur:
Children must be able to understand that sin is an offense to God’s holiness and that they are personally guilty (though because of their limited experiences, most kids obviously won’t have as deep a sense of personal guilt as adults). There’s nothing wrong with telling children about God’s wrath. Children do not have a difficult time grasping such concepts. They understand punishment for wrongdoing and are capable of understanding that Jesus died to take the punishment for the sins of others. [3]
Tell your child about the wrath of God? Yes. If not, how will they understand what they are being saved from? With Cooper, we talked about God being angry at sin. We talked about Romans 3:23: that we deserve to die. But we didn’t stop at just the first part of that verse. The second part says that God gave the gift of his Son to take live the life we should have lived and die the death we should have died. The Jesus Storybook Bible talks about this using the word “rescue.”
“Asking Jesus Into Your Heart?”
Jessica Wempe writing for the Grace Evangelical Society says:
Nowhere in Scripture is anyone told to “ask Jesus into your heartâ€â€”this is an expression we created because it sounds simple and child-like. But these are not biblical terms. We need to use language that communicates biblical truth. The gospel tells us to believe in Jesus to receive eternal life. Believing is not asking; it’s being convinced something is true. Of course a child who asks Jesus into his heart could be a believer; but it is his believing that saves him, not the act of asking and that is important for him to understand. [4]
I am so glad I read this from Wempe as I was entering this conversation with my son. This is a common stumbling block I believe to correctly explaining the Gospel to your child. Her next point is crucial…
Language is Key
Jessica Wempe continues:
A second problem with the ask-Jesus-into-your-heart method is a basic child development issue. Until roughly the age of 12, children are concrete thinkers and find figures of speech difficult to understand. They tend to tie their thoughts and ideas to their tangible experiences and believe everything we say literally. When you tell them to ask Jesus into their hearts, they are generally not thinking of some deep theological nuance. Rather, they are imagining a tiny Jesus literally setting up camp in their hearts. [5]
Focus on believing on, not asking in…
“The Sinner’s Prayer?”
Wempe:
Probably the second most common gospel appeal—and this one too is confusing—is to encourage children to pray some sort of “Sinner’s Prayer.†It is perfectly appropriate to pray with a child after they have believed in Jesus for eternal life, but the child should not believe that the prayer is what saves. How many people do you know who prayed the “Sinner’s Prayer†five or six times in their lifetime because they weren’t convinced that it really “took� If a child understands that eternal life is given to all who believe, you alleviate needless worry in his or her life. You don’t have to say a magic prayer to be saved—you have to believe. [6]
The Cornerstone of God’s Work, Not Ours
Wempe:
Another point of confusion with the “Sinner’s Prayer†is that when a child (or an adult for that matter) views the prayer as the cornerstone of his conversion, he is often looking for some kind of huge metamorphosis to mark his entrance into the Kingdom—he expects to feel different. Although salvation can certainly result in the drastic and sudden transformation of a person’s life, a child who has the gospel more clearly explained has great confidence because she knows that her salvation is based solely on the grace of God and her conviction that the gospel is true. [7]
The last two bullet points go hand in hand. The beauty in focusing on believing is three-fold: 1) The child will not be looking at his/her own works or ‘accepting’ to base their faith on, 2) it puts the limelight on believing in God’s pursuing rather than our pursuing Him, and 3) the child’s eternal security is based on God’s sealing work not ours.
5) Some have a problem with the idea of getting save at a moment in time. Hopefully the previous points have been helpful related to this idea, but I want to mention something in connection. Some say that is foolish to believe at a moment in time because salvation is a progressive process rather than an immediate event. They call this progressive salvation.
I believe we are saved immediately when we confess with our mouth and believe with our mouths that Jesus is Lord. Before that, we weren’t saved. After that moment, it isn’t salvation that is progressive per se, it is our righteousness. I know that is simplistic, but that is what I believe the Bible says.
So Cooper believed last night at a moment in time. That moment in time is not what saved him, but his belief in God in that moment in time.
6) It is important to talk through with your child following Jesus his command for baptism. Help them understand what takes place, where it happens, who we will be baptizing them, etc. I found that Cooper was a little nervous about the unknown. Iterate that baptism is a picture of what Jesus accomplished in His resurrection. And make sure you affirm that baptism is not a part of salvation but a sign of obedience.
The circle of life is amazing. I remember walking into my parent’s bedroom at the age of 5 and going through what I lead Cooper in last night. It changed my life. And I told Cooper it would change his. His last comment before he went to bed was, “This is so cool.”
Yes it is, my son!
[1] John MacArthur, “How can parents explain the gospel to their children without toning down the commands of Scripture?”, Grace To You Issues and Answers; available from http://www.gty.org/Resources/Issues&Answers/586
[2] Ibid.
[3] Ibid.
[4] Jessica Wempe, “Evangelizing Children without trivializing the gospel,” Grace Evangelical Society; available from http://www.faithalone.org/index.html
[5] Ibid.
[6] Ibid.
[7] Ibid.
